


for you (i would ruin myself)

by eg1701



Series: 90s reddie for the soul [11]
Category: IT (1990)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, a lil bit, also, richie's bad impersonations, they get their own tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eg1701/pseuds/eg1701
Summary: Richie's had a rough day at work, and Eddie talks him through it.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Series: 90s reddie for the soul [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800730
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	for you (i would ruin myself)

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again building up the miniseries only reddie content ig?
> 
> title is from taylor swift's "illicit affairs"

Given the fact that Eddie was usually home when Richie got back from work, he was used to the sheer noise Richie brought with him. He was always yelling some cheesy greeting (his recent favorite was something Eddie thought was meant to be a Transatlantic accent but wasn’t very good and wasn’t getting any better) and dropping things as he came into the main part of the house. Kicking shoes into closets and dropping keys onto tables. Eddie never realized how quiet the house was until Richie got home and it wasn’t anymore.  


But today, after Eddie heard the garage door open and shut, there was nothing. No greeting, no chaos. Eddie paused, in the middle of putting away groceries-- he’d only been home about twenty minutes himself-- and waited, to see if something was wrong.  


It was so unlike Richie that he figured something had to be.  


He waited a few moments more before frowning, and going off to find him. If something was wrong, he didn’t want Richie to have to deal with it alone.  


“Richie honey?” he asked, knocking lightly on the bathroom door. It was the bathroom they never used, down right by the door you walked in from the garage. Richie hated it because the previous owners had painted it, what he called, ‘the world’s ugliest purple.’ Eddie didn’t think it was too bad, but the bathroom was awfully small, “Are you alright?”  


Eddie couldn’t stand when his mother pried into his affairs, especially if he had made it clear that he wanted to be alone, and so he promised himself that if Richie told him to go, he would.  


“I’m fine,” he said, in a voice that said quite the opposite.  


“Can I come in? Did something happen?”  


Richie didn’t respond, and Eddie frowned. He pushed up his glasses and resisted the urge to knock again.  


(Somewhere, deep down, Eddie knew that a small part of him was terrified that Richie would get… annoyed with him. Would tire of the mothering, tire of being constantly asked after. But the more logical part of his brain usually told him that was BS. Usually.)  


“Yeah you can come in,” Richie said, “It’s unlocked.”  


Eddie pushed the door open slowly, preparing himself. He didn’t really think that Richie was hurt or anything, but what if he _had_ been in some accident and just didn’t want to worry Eddie about it?  


But he looked unharmed.  


Well, he was sitting on the floor, against the tub-- Eddie didn’t know why there was a full bath in this part of the house, but he’d always thought Richie’s house was strangely laid out, and he imagined Richie hadn’t thought much of it when he’d bought it-- still in his jacket and shoes. He looked up and offered a smile.  


“What happened?” Eddie asked, sitting down too. There wasn’t much room for two fully grown men to sit on the floor, but Richie didn’t seem to be aware of that fact.  


He bumped Richie’s leg with his own.  


“Bad day?” he guessed.  


Richie nodded slowly, “I guess you could say that.”  


Eddie frowned, “Want to talk about it?”  


“Nah,” Richie shook his head, “You don’t want to hear all that.”  


“Actually, I do Rich. I do want to. I didn’t get your terrible accent when you got home, and I want to know why.”  


Richie laughed weakly.  


“You know you don’t have a monopoly on being the comforting one,” Eddie said, “I know you’re still learning how to tell people things. But I do love you Richie.”  


Maybe he didn’t say it enough. He thought that was nearly impossible. How could Richie not know just how much Eddie loved him?  


“I love you Richie,” he said again, just for good measure.  


“Yeah,” Richie put a hand on his knee and looked over at him, “I know Eds. I love you too.”  


“Penny for your thoughts?”  


Richie shrugged, “I forget sometimes, that there’s people who don’t think we should be together. I’ve excluded your mother from the equation because she’s just a bitch.”  


He looked at Eddie, frowning.  


“What?” Eddie raised his eyebrows, “You think I’m gonna argue that? What do you mean though?”  


“There was just a guest, around the studio today. He was on some talk show, absolutely proselytizing about how America is going downhill because not every man wants to marry a woman. That it's 'those people' who are what's wrong with everything.”  


“Oh,” Eddie said, “I see.”  


“And I don’t know,” Richie shrugged, "It got to me today.  


“Richie?” Eddie asked carefully. His heart was beating fast-- too fast in his opinion.  


“Yeah?”  


“You don’t… regret it, do you?”  


“Regret?” Richie frowned, “What do you mean? Regret what?”  


“Regret us. I mean, I know it can’t-- it would be easier if I was a woman.”  


Richie opened his mouth, and then closed it again. Eddie wondered if Richie could hear how fast he was breathing, could hear the fact that his heart seemed like it was about to explode.  


“Eddie that’s the farthest thing from the truth. Don’t say that. That I would regret us? I couldn’t care less about easy. I would ruin my career for you.”  


“You don’t say _that_ ,” Eddie said, sharply, harsher than he meant. The thought of Richie giving up everything he had accomplished since they were kids in Derry was a terrible one, “That’s not funny.”  


“I’m not joking,” Richie said.  


“I’m not asking you to do that. I would never ask you to do that.”  


“I know,” Richie smiled, and took his hand, “I know that. It was just hard is all, today. I missed you.”  


“I’m sorry that happened today,” Eddie whispered, “You going to be alright?”  


Richie nodded, “Fine.”  


They fell silent. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not really. Eddie liked the silences he and Richie had, but this one felt unnatural. He searched for something to say, anything really, despite knowing there was nothing he could really say. This was a situation out of his control.  


“Why don’t you come upstairs?” Eddie suggested, “It’s kind of gross sitting on the bathroom floor like this. I’ll make you a drink?”  


“Alcohol sounds fantastic right about now.”  


Eddie didn't like this serious Richie. He’d seen Richie in tight spots, seen Richie fight It on more than one occasion, and he’d always used joking to fight back. This was seriously bothering him, and Eddie wanted nothing more than to hear him make a terrible joke. He’d even laugh, if only Richie would make it.  


“You know,” Eddie said, “I really don’t think you’re a medicare actor.”  


“You’re just trying to cheer me up,” Richie said, “But keep saying it.”  


Eddie chuckled, “I don’t. I think you’re really funny Richie. I think that one of these days you’re gonna land a role that’ll make the world finally see that. I think you’re funny and talented and pretty handsome too. I only tease you because it makes you all bothered and I think it’s funny.”  


“I don’t know if my poor little heart can take all this flirtation Eddie darling,” Richie replied, in what Eddie thought was supposed to be Katherine Hepburn but would not have won Richie any Oscars.  


“Someone’s cheered up enough to torture me with that voice I see,” Eddie said, though he wasn’t annoyed and knew his tone didn’t sound it, “Ok?”  


“Yeah,” Richie said, and Eddie thought that he actually meant it now, “yeah.”  


“Good, because you’re wearing shoes in my house and I wasn’t going to say anything if you were upset.”  


Richie laughed, a very relieving sound. Eddie felt himself relax slightly at the noise.  


“Sorry Spaghetti Man,” Richie said, pushing himself up and then offering Eddie a hand, “I wasn’t thinking.”  


Eddie took his hand and stood up, “I’ll forgive you this time, but next time it’s a capital offense.”  


“Mm,” Richie nodded solemnly, sliding a hand around Eddie’s waist, “I suppose that’s only fair. The floors _are_ very clean.”  


“They are a normal amount of clean, you were just a messy housekeeper.”  


“Eds, I was just a mess.”  


“Don’t flatter me Rich, I’m already in love with you,” Eddie kissed his cheek, “Take your jacket off and stay a while.”

**Author's Note:**

> appreciate you as always. remember to vote, wear a mask, and take care of each other!


End file.
